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Young Writers Society



Faith: Chapter Two

by Fangala the Flying Feline


Here's chapter two...obviously. Anyway, if you haven't read the intro and prologue yet, you probably should. Otherwise you'll be reading this story with one question in the back of your mind: WHAT THE HECK?

Chapter Two: Running from the Skeletal Hand

CRACK!

Lightning split the air with a deafening roar, the sky turning stark white until the bolt died away. The rain was thick and heavy, blinding my vision. My fur was spiked with mud. I had never exerted myself so much do to my ladylike lifestyle, and the effort practically broke me. Each step drained my energy.

I heaved myself through the thick mud, desperate to reach the safe drawbridge. But the red wood did not seem so safe anymore. It was spongy and slimy, covered with ooze. Below, the water splashed, and I heard the wailing shrieks of the castle guard serpent: “Dooo not leave! Stay-ay-ay here!”

“I can’t!” I wailed back. “I’m not brave enough.”

I dashed across the drawbridge and over the moat. Suddenly I stopped, realizing how stupid it was to be running away. It had been a bad dream, a nightmare. Nothing more. If I went back inside, I would find the castle untouched. Maid would be snoring peacefully in her four-poster bed. There is no thing as Skeletal Hands. Sighing, I turned around. My face whitened. I was holding something long and thin. I looked at my paw and felt my stomach wither. No! It wasn’t a dream after all!

The skeletal hand was clawing the outside of the tower and the moaning filled the air. I wasn’t scared until I felt the pain. My head spun and racked, clouding my vision and making me fall. My forehead seared hot and my bones felt as though penetrated by white-hot needles. I was about to lose consciousness when the pain died away and I was left panting on the ground. The Skeletal Hand giggled.

I looked up with such fear as I had never felt before. Tears of horror rolled down my cheek. I knew I could not stay. My heart was pulled fiercely in two directions, but the cowardly side one. As I stared up at the Skeletal Hand, my mind whirred. What did the flute have to do with this? And why was he hurting me? What had become of the maid?

I pulled myself free of the mud. My whole back was completely covered in slime, my fur matted and tangled. I thought about giving up right then and there.

But then I saw a vision of evil.

The Skeletal Hand was gliding down the castle to me. Its bones squeaked as it reached for me. I screamed and dashed off, blindly crashing through plants and weeds. I stumbled once, but didn’t stop to look back. I passed the castle grounds and started into the forest. Behind me, the Hand was snapping branches. A wave of cold rushed over me, I was thrown forwards, and I landed with a thud on the ground. The Hand glided closer.

“Oh, please,” I mumbled. “ Please go away.”

I felt hot magic on my back. The hand landed on me, fingers splayed like spider legs, and dug four deep scratches through my skin.

It burned like fire, throbbed painfully, hurt with pain unimaginable. I had not yet witnessed the power of dark magic, only good. So I thought I would wake up all healed. If I woke up.

If…


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73 Reviews


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Fri Oct 26, 2007 3:58 pm
deleted1 wrote a review...



A good piece suffering from bad word choice, poor development and this appears to be no more then a fragment of what your last chapter covered. Albeit better, its inconsistant about appearances. We are not stupid, so don't insult us with holding our hands with character descriptions again and again.

This hand is just not scary, you did more building up to be an actual big villian and you have this subpar, weak and undeveloped and slow villian. It just is such a big let down.

Also, serpents talk here!? What!?




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Thu Oct 25, 2007 9:32 pm
BigBadBear wrote a review...



Hey! Woah! That was cool! Your chapter was kinda short compared to #1 , but oh well. Yeah, she did seem to change her age.. well. you knwo what I'm talking about. What Saraph said.

But then I saw a vision of evil.

Uh, this really doesn't fit. Faith never really had a VISION, only just she saw what was really happening. She saw the hand attacking her, and (before I forget) I am not yet terrified of this hand yet. Maybe you can describe to being a subject to evil, and explain the cracks in the bone and the yellowness of the fading bone. I don't know. I am just not scared of this hand. I think it is kind strange to have an evil hand.

Well, I hope this helped!


BBB




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Sat Oct 20, 2007 12:36 am



Um...yeah. Pretty much human and rabbit-dog hybrid. Very cute and cuddly. I'll try to post a picture or something, but beyond Word, I'm not the most computer-literate person.

Thanks for bringing up the voice-switch. I meant for the shift to be gradual, but I guess it wasn't. I'll see into that.

And THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for reading! Your comments are awesomely helpful. :wink:




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Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:58 pm
SeraphTree wrote a review...



Back! Back evil hand........ Dude, why did you set that thing on me? XDXDXDXDXD
Let's see...... :)

do to my ladylike lifestyle

Wrong kind of 'do.' The one you want is 'due.'

Hmmm. It's good, we know alot more about Faith, but there's something different. Your voice changed with the new description. She seemed relatively young in the first few parts, but now she sound older. If you want to keep her youthfullness, I suggest you make her observations a little different. For example, you could have a million things pounding on her head at once, making her sound more anxious.

Also, with the hand... we need some explanation of why she is afraid. "An unnatural fear gripped my spirit...." bla bla bla. :D :D :D You know.

Other than that, I really liked it!!!!!! It reminds me of Sabriel.

Oh, one other thing....... What exactly do these moon children look like? I'm imagining either a humanoid or a rabbit wolf thing...... :D :D :D

Anyway, keep writing!! You're doing good!!





Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday